Peering Through a Looking Glass
by Flirtingwithdeath586
Summary: Love, ruined me. Ripped my soul up, told me I was no good. Love once gave me hope and then crushed me. I, Bella Swan, would not be hurt again. Love can't touch me. But as usual, I was wrong. Set during New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

A wise man once said, "It is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all", and I guess he was right...partially. But the thing is isn't it better to not have loved at all, the end up with a broken heart? I sure thought so. I mean when your one hundred and something boyfriend up and left you in the forest, confessing that your only a distraction, you would think the same. And then to top it off my own father thinks I'm a nut case, though sometimes I kina believe him. My mind makes up these illusions and voices of Edward. I hear him, I yearn for him, but I can't have him. And that's what hurts the most. To see something and not be able reach out and touch it, for a mere second.

I didn't tell anyone about the voices, not even Jake. They were my personal heaven, filled the hole in my heart for just a millisecond. But then I would notice that no one was there and the voices were gone, and my heart would ache. I learned clutching my stomach to withstand the pain never really worked.

Resting my head on the wheel of my car, I felt a shudder convulse through me. Goose bumps covered my pale arms, and tears pooled in my eyes. I shouldn't think of him anymore. Move on like he told me. But I couldn't. How could someone forget that one person they love so much, in a second. I couldn't. I wouldn't. _But he doesn't love you your just a distraction_, my mind screamed at me. _He told you your no good. That you didn't belong with him. Your useless._ I shook her head, no. He... he had lied. I wouldn't believe he didn't love me. He promised. _If he loves you so much, where is he? Why isn't he comforting you when you suffer in this misery? Because he doesn't love you. You'll never be good enough for him_. Not good enough. I wasn't good enough.

He was right. I was ugly and plain. Nothing but a useless human. Useless, ugly, disgusting. The opposite of everything he was.

The sound of thunder clapping against the sky shook me out of my thoughts, and I turned on my monster of a truck. When it roared to life, I stepped on the gas and headed to school. The parking lot was empty as usual, the sound of rain padding on the floor echoing around me.

Forcing my legs to move, I walked to some of the benches up ahead. They were a little wet but sitting on it wouldn't kill me. The coolness against my skin brought a shiver through me. It felt like him. Everything I did, felt, smelt reminded me of him. This whole town, every aspect of it, reminded me of him. The cold, the rain, the trees, the flowers. Every single one of these brought on a memory.

Sometimes, I would plan to leave, and then it would fleet my mind. I would convince myself that Edward and the Cullens would come back. They would tell me that everything was just a misunderstanding, that they made a mistake. I hoped for this everyday, and it would never happen. So I just stopped hoping and left everything alone.

Cars started to arrive and students started to file out. Angela and Jessica were coming my way to sit, until they saw me. Everyone knew that I was like a disease. If you came near me, you yourself would feel depressed. So they stopped trying to help me and avoided me like the plague.

Sighing I got of the damp seat and into my car. I didn't feel like being here right now. The memories, would all come back and leave me in pain. But the pain was better than that numb feeling I sometimes got. Feeling the pain made me remember that meeting them wasn't just a dream- a figment of my imagination.

I started up the engine, I took off. Forks wasn't just for me right now, and I couldn't deal with them pain, not at this moment. I didn't know where I was going, didn't care. I just needed to get away. He wouldn't come back, I understood this. None of them would come back. _Told you so, _my mind whispered to me. This whole time I had been going through life listening to my heart, it was time to see the logical side of things.

Logic would have saved me from this pain. I wouldn't have been interested in the Cullens. Mystery oozed off of them, and I would have stayed away from them like everyone else. I wouldn't have looked into their "Legends". Logic would have made me stay away from them when I found out they were vampires. Logic would have deprived me of my love, but have saved my heart.

I once heard on a television show,"You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it". At the time, the sentence never really made sense to me. But now that simple sentence was the story of my life. So far...


	2. Chapter 2

The beach reminds me of LaPush. It reminds me of the Quileute tribe legends that Jacob Black had told me about. About Emily and the scars her one love inflicted, about Leah who was hurt by the two people she trusted most in the world. The ocean was cold, like ice, but at the same time enchantingly beautiful. Just like...them. It seemed as though I could never get the ones in my past out of my mind.

I curled my toes in the sand, loving the feeling of it between my toes. The water kissed my feet as it washed ashore. The air whipped around me, my hair dancing along with it. I took in deep breathe, and raised my face to the sun. Hot and warm but so comforting. Just like Jake. He was my own personal sun.

Smiling in content, I walked to my truck and took off. For the last year I'd been traveling around in my beat up truck, just finding the peace I couldn't back home. Climbing mountains, skiing, snorkeling. The adventure in my life eased the pain, but not as much. Sometimes I would see something that reminded me of the Cullens or the pack, and my heart would ache.

I rolled down the windows, and let the sweet air fill my car. It was time to move on. To a new state, a new town, a new life. I went by Isabella now or Isa. Bella held too many memories. To painful.

I think I would stop by in Maryland. I'd only been there once, and that was for my grandmothers funeral. The beauty had enchanted me. Everything about the place screamed beauty. Beauty... the word itself still hurt me. Pathetic...right? I was pathetic. No wonder he never wanted me.

No one ever really wanted me.

_Stop throwing yourself a pity party_, my mind whispered to me. _It didn't help back then, it won't help now._ My mind was right. I would listen to my mind. _Logic_, I repeated in my head over and over like a chant. Logic had eased the pain, logic was the answer. Love wasn't an option anymore.

God was I depressing or what? No love. Scoff all you want, love had token a toll on my heart one too many times. It looked healthy but if you looked closely you'd see the scars. Sometimes they'd open up and I felt as if I couldn't breathe anymore, but then they'd sow back up and a dull ache would remain.

I pulled the truck to the curb, and slammed the door with a frustrated sigh. They haunted my life even when they were out of it. The velvety voice of Edward Cullen never visited me anymore, and for that I was happy. A year ago, I called them my personal heaven but now I understood it was unhealthy for me. To hold onto that tiny piece of thread, that came in the illusion of a voice, would have crumbled me. The hurt of him not coming for would have killed me. And I wouldn't have risen up from the ashes. I was no phoenix.

I entered a little bookstore and buried myself in their literature section, fascinated by all the stories. This was one of the places where I could just forget everything. I was sucked into the beautiful fantasies and out of this cruel reality. Nothing could touch me here. I was invincible.

Those gold eyes couldn't interrupt my thoughts, that crooked smile wouldn't appear magically. I was safe here. A shelter you could say.

The sound of screams caught shook me out of my thoughts and I lifted my head to inspect what had happened. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. And that was the odd thing. It seemed to be quiet... a little too quiet. And I could no longer hear the soft snores of the old man at the counter. Nor could I hear the shrill voice of one of the customers.

I had learned that when things were too perfect, something had to be wrong. An ordinary person would stay put, maybe even would call the police. An ordinary person wouldn't try to look for the person. Neither would a sane person for that matter.

But as I'd found out long ago... I wasn't normal. Or sane.

Taking a deep breath I got up from my spot and tipi-toed to the front of the store. The old man was no where to be found, and the annoying drama queen was no where to be found. Yet everything seemed to be in perfect order. Almost too perfect. The messy stack that had been on the back counter was now all in order.

Weird. Scary.

I heard a growl. A growl I knew all too well.

A hiss. A hiss I had feared many times.

And then I came eye to eye with my predator. It's red eyes boring into mine.

I saw it sniff the air. Probably smelling my fear. Hell I could taste it one my own tongue.

All my time with the Cullens prepared me for what would happen in those two seconds. All my knowledge prepared me for what would happen in only a matter of seconds.

But nothing prepared me when I looked at his face... fully.

His face was fierce and deadly but he oozed of masculine and sex. His pink lips curved into a smile, teeth glistening in what I would only assume a venom. Blond hair ruffled up, and jeans riding low on his hip. His broad chest covered by a white tee.

"Jasper", I whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

Is it me, or does god hate me. Jasper hovered above me his nose skimming down my throat. He took deep breathes, licking my pulse point. I wanted to grind into him, but I stopped myself. See when I said I wasn't normal I wasn't kidding. The heat in my…lower area was bothering me, and my arousal was in the air. It wasn't my fault I was sensitive right there. God I'm horny.

I would be the only human who gets horny when a vampires about to kill her, note the sarcasm. Man I'm sick. His knee was in between my legs and I tried to move the angle of my body, but I ended up rubbing my center into his erection. Damn, and I mean damn.

Jasper growled. I don't know if it was sexual or hunger but seeing how he hadn't killed me yet I was going for the first option. I bit my lip, a nervous habit I had gotten from Renee, and tried to move again. My breast grazed his chest and I felt my nipples harden. Lesson learned, don't move around when under a vampire and horny as hell. I was sure he could see through the material with his eyes and because he was staring right at them with a big smirk.

I didn't want to be a virgin forever, but I sure as hell didn't want to lose it on the carpet of a bookstore. Not really how a girl wants to lose her virginity.

His red eyes glared at me and he swiftly got off me, adjusting the bulge in his pants. Interesting. So I wasn't the only one who wanted some. Or maybe he was jus feeling my lust. I mean he was a sexy vampire that could get any girl he wanted.

He pulled me up but not too hard and pushed me back into one of the bookcases. His lips crashed down on mines and I was in heaven. Our lips molded into one and I opened my mouth to give him access to my tongue. He pulled away and I gasped for some breath.

"Stick out your tongue", he ordered. I obliged…happily. He licked his lips, like a man does before he eats a feast. He sucked on my tongue as he fondled my breasts, which I'm happy to say are now c cups. My breasts were sensitive, so when he pinched my nipples through the fabric my eyes rolled in the back of my head.

When he was finished sucking my tongue he ripped my pants off and rubbed his arousal agsinst my core. It…was…amazing. I wanted to move my hips faster but he held my waist in his hands making my go slow. And it was torture.

"Fuck Jasper", I panted as he rubbed it against my clit. God I'd been missing out on a lot. My juices were slipping down my thighs and my head was tilted back. He cradled me in his hands and but me down on the carpet.

He licked the inside of my thighs. Going back and forth, up and down. He missed the one place I ached for him to lick. To touch and smell. And finally he kissed my silky panties. Taking them off in a second. He had my legs hoisted on his shoulders. Those broad marble sexy shoulders. He licked me from top to bottom, sucking on my clit until I could take no more.

He spread my pussy lips open and smirked. He stuck out his tongue and very slowly dipped it inside of me. All the way.

"Oh fuck jasper", I panted, "Yes eat me. Oh yes, oh fuck yes. Lick me right there baby. Oh god this feels too fucking good. Suck on me", I screamed. All my juices spilled on him. I was going to apologize when he started to lick it off his fingers.

An orgasm was… fuck. I didn't know how to explain it, but it was just…damn. Jasper put my panties back on and picked me up bridal style in his arms, then headed for the door. Wait the door!

"Jasper just hold on a second", I started but he growled at me. I guess that meant I should shut up. He dumped me in the seat of his Mercedes and turned his gaze on me. I didn't know what the fuck it was, but something just pulled me to him. I mean I don't just fool around with any kind of man._ "No you fool around with vampires_ ",said the voice in my head.

"Jasper", I started again but was cut off when his lips crashed onto mine. He pulled back and started the engine.

"You. Are. Mines." he growled.


	4. Chapter 4

The words ringed loud in clear in my ears. You. Are. Mine. I was his? I mean I know vampires were all territorial and shit but I sure as hell wasn't an object. So fuck no, I wasn't his. Not by a landside. He was crazy if he thought, I Isabella Swan was going to take his bullshit. Fuck him and all his vampire machoness.

He was fucking kidding me. There was no way I was his. If he wanted some pet like Edward did than he'd have to find another human crazier than me. It was time I grew a pair of balls, and not literally. I was so sick and tired of everyone fucking telling me what to do, how to live my life, and who was. Fuck Edward for making me the fragile human who couldn't do anything, fuck Alice for making me her own personal Barbie, and fuck everyone for lying to me. Fuck the while goddamn world.

I was tired of all this supernatural shit. I swear it was fucking with my head. I found out Edward was a vampire, no problem. I found out Jake was a wolf, whoopee. Then I find Jasper, a sexy human drinker Jasper, and have an orgasm on a book stores carpet. I mean I was kind of fucked up in the mind.

"Fuck you", I blurted out surprised by my boldness. Apparently he was to because his eyes widened like saucers. HA, he didn't know that little Bella Swan could cuss, though neither would I since I never thought I could either. I didn't know where my boldness came from but I hope it didn't end me up in a ditch. I was too young to die.

He pulled over to the curb and the car came to a halt. My heart was beating do fast I was afraid it would fly right through my chest. Maybe telling him 'fuck you' wasn't the best idea, but it had slipped out. I would say I was sorry and try to sway him but I don't think that would work on him.

Damn I was in some deep shit…

Jasper's P.O.V.

She was too damn tempting. The way she bit her lip when she was thinking or the way she would sigh when something important was on her mind. Every now and then she would comb a hand through her hair. I just wanted to fuck her. Over and over and over again. Who would've thought, sweet innocent Bella Swan could ever utter such words, or could moan such things.

But I sure wasn't complaining. It turned me on. I could have gone all the way, would have, If I hadn't knew she was a virgin. As I thrusted my fingers in and out of her hot pussy I had felt the barrier. I wouldn't take her virginity on the bookstores floor. No I would wait, bu that didn't mean there couldn't be foreplay.

Before I could ever say anything else to her she blurted out, "Fuck you". It wasn't what I would have ever expected. She was sweet Bella, my brothers girlfriend that never said anything like that. She had always hidden behind Edward like a little mouse. She always seemed weak. She never really stood up for herself. I mean sure she would give her life in a heartbeat for someone else but otherwise she just came off as a weak person.

I had never associated with her since Edward was concerned with her well being. I was always new to the animal diet, and slipping up had happened on some occasions. But Edward never let me near her, without someone else being there. I was a threat. The weak link.

It wasn't until Alice broke my heart that I turned back to this diet. Goddamn that pixie and her visions. She saw something one day and the next minutes we were no longer soul mates. She wanted a divorce. She thought she could just control everyone's life, like they were some damn puppets or shit. She pist me off to no end.

I pulled to the side of the rode and stopped the car, then turned to face Bella. Her breathing came in fast short gasps and her heart thudded madly against her chest. Her brown eyes seemed to be looking into me. Right into my damn soul. I could have killed her. That's what I came there for, she had ruined my life. But when I saw her I just couldn't.

I was in some deep shit…


End file.
